I Think There Should Be Buddy Benches For Lonely Parents Like Me

I love the idea of “buddy benches.” I’m talking about the benches in schoolyards where any kiddo who doesn’t have someone to play with — or who is generally feeling a bit lonely — can go take a seat. Peers take notice of the “signal” and go sit with the solitary kid, and perhaps involve them in a game or activity and generally promote kindness and inclusion. It’s a great concept that’s taking off here in Canada and elsewhere, and I’m glad that my kids get to see and participate in such a positive movement.

I’m also pretty jealous.

Jealous because it can be pretty lonely being a parent, too. Jealous because as busy, single or newcomer moms and dads, we don’t always have a tight group of friends immediately at our disposal. Heck, sometimes we don’t even have one good friend in our immediate community — you know, someone who knows the politics of the school, teachers and kid friend network. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned through the ups and down of parenting, it’s that it is much easier to do it when you have the support of friends who know exactly what you’re going through, whether school bus drama or even just reminding you when the kids have pizza lunch.

Parenting And Loneliness

I’ve felt the loneliness blues a few times as a parent. With my first-born child I had just moved to a new neighborhood, and although I joined a mom’s group, it was disorganized and I didn’t really get to know the moms there. Instead, I took a lot of long stroller walks by myself, feeling guilty about counting down the days until I went back to work. No buddy bench there for me.

With baby number 2, I had moved to a new city and a friend was determined that this mat leave would be better. She signed me up for a mom’s group renowned for helping moms build connections and get through the tough times — and wow, what a difference. No matter what school class both my kids were in, I had a bestie in the parent pool. Grabbing groceries on a Saturday morning, the fam and I were bound to bump into someone we knew. It was as if there was a buddy bench on every corner. I felt happy, supported and complete — and then I got divorced and moved again.

BY JANICE QUIRT
PHOTO © @BEAEZOR/TWENTY20
APR 6, 2018

Article Reference: CBC Parents newsletter